If They Were in MCA

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gordon gekko

If Gordon Gekko (Wall Street) was in MCA, he would be that strict underwriter that everyone hates.

On Approvals: “I look at a hundred deals a day. I pick one.”

On making an exception: “I don’t throw darts at a board. I bet on sure things. Read Sun-tzu, The Art of War. Every battle is won before it is ever fought.”

On a phone call with the rep: “You stop sending me information, and you start getting me some.”

On ordering a site inspection: “I want to know where he goes, what he sees, I want you to fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle.”


If Agent Smith (The Matrix) was in MCA…

His thoughts on the underwriting department: “Never send a human to do a machine’s job.”

On a collections call: “As you can see, we’ve had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Anderson.”

In regards to the secret terminals the merchant is using to avoid repayment: “Find them and destroy them.”


If Michael Scott (The Office) was in MCA…

On what type of merchants to target: “There are four kinds of business: tourism, food service, railroads, and sales. And hospitals/manufacturing. And air travel.”

In response to his ISOs wondering why there is no website to check balances for their merchants: “We can’t overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails, but real business is done on paper.”

Just for fun
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Last modified: April 20, 2019
Sean Murray

Category: ACH Advances, business cash advance, merchant cash advance, merchant financing, MPR Authored, Off the cuff