If They Were in MCA
If Gordon Gekko (Wall Street) was in MCA, he would be that strict underwriter that everyone hates.
On Approvals: “I look at a hundred deals a day. I pick one.”
On making an exception: “I don’t throw darts at a board. I bet on sure things. Read Sun-tzu, The Art of War. Every battle is won before it is ever fought.”
On a phone call with the rep: “You stop sending me information, and you start getting me some.”
On ordering a site inspection: “I want to know where he goes, what he sees, I want you to fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle.”
If Agent Smith (The Matrix) was in MCA…
His thoughts on the underwriting department: “Never send a human to do a machine’s job.”
On a collections call: “As you can see, we’ve had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Anderson.”
In regards to the secret terminals the merchant is using to avoid repayment: “Find them and destroy them.”
If Michael Scott (The Office) was in MCA…
On what type of merchants to target: “There are four kinds of business: tourism, food service, railroads, and sales. And hospitals/manufacturing. And air travel.”
In response to his ISOs wondering why there is no website to check balances for their merchants: “We can’t overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails, but real business is done on paper.”
Just for fun
– Merchant Processing Resource
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Sean Murray is the President and Chief Editor of deBanked and the founder of the Broker Fair Conference. Connect with me on LinkedIn or follow me on twitter. You can view all future deBanked events here.
