The Underwriter’s Song of 2020

Another ruse, just more fake news, I went and pulled the credit
A sterling score, I said please send more, but the broker said forget it

The lender just next door to you, he offered to pay me double
Plus they need less docs for their wider box, saving me the trouble

It was on that day that I said “hey!” I’m sick of being small
I called that broker back and swore I would fund them all

So he sent the files, several piles, of paper good and bad
And I did what I should not have, so the broker would not be mad

Hot damn my port was a big ‘ol fort of terrifying risk
But I checked deBanked’s top funders and we were up there on the list

I pulled up my chair, said a prayer, “so long as things remain”
On an upward track, in the black, there won’t be any pain

But then came March and things looked dark, I couldn’t believe my eyes
They said stay indoors and close your stores, we’re really sorry guys

America is shutting down, we hope you were prepared
If you were very careful then you’ll probably be spared

Of course I freaked when our financials leaked, I tried to rationalize
That we had to fund those files to compete with the other guys

It was no no no and then fund fund fund, I tell you it was grand
I made my case on Daily Funder but the contents got me banned

It wasn’t me, it was the broker you see, it all started with a deal
His spiel about getting double, turns out it wasn’t real

So jolly hot damn, I’m in a jam, of the sort that’s budgetary
How I wish, nay I pray! That it was February