Federal Government Shutdown Means Halt to SBA Loans. World May End

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As this short article is being written, we are drawing uncomfortably close to a Federal Government shutdown. Without an official spending budget, all non-essential Government employees will be temporarily out of work. If you’re a small business owner, this may buy you a few extra days to file your taxes. Though the IRS states the April 18th deadline will not change regardless, we have a strong feeling that lateness would be forgiven.

While the IRS, Military, and U.S. Postal Service may come to mind immediately, another major entity is likely to have a significant impact on small businesses. Should the Government shut down, the Small Business Administration (SBA) would close with it. All SBA Lending and processing will come to a halt. This was confirmed earlier in an article by ABC News. The consquences are immeasurable because no one knows just how long a shutdown could last. What is known is that small businesses depend on BILLIONS of dollars a year in SBA guaranteed loans.

With billions of dollars sucked out of local economies throughout the nation, one can only imagine the tons of manufacturers that won’t get paid, the expansion plans that won’t happen, the employees that won’t get hired, and the growth that won’t happen. Even if lending halts for just one month, it could have devastating, long lasting effects.

Of course, we’re not the SBA’s biggest fans:

SBA Loan vs. Merchant Cash Advance

More Funding For Small Business Loan Programs – A Dysfunctional System

Banks Don’t Care About SBA Loans or Your Tax Dollars

But let’s get real. No matter how much we believe in changing a broken system, turning it off altogether is the worst idea of all. The Merchant Cash Advance Resource has therefore created a National Contingency Plan. Small business owners are advised to follow the instructions below should the Federal Government shut down.

Small Business National Contingency Plan

By: The Merchant Cash Advance Resource

Introduction: If you’ve noticed a bunch of Government workers hanging out at home today doing nothing (more so than usual), this probably indicates the Federal Government has shut down. You are advised to remain calm. Do not try to call your bank. The SBA is already dead and is not processing the loan guarantee. Your expansion capital isn’t coming and help is not on the way.

Step 1. Divide all food items in household into two groups, perishable and non-perishable. Eat the perishable items first. Remember that canned goods last forever but Spam is never okay. Throw out Spam.

Step 2. Locate your last 4 months merchant processing statements. Hopefully you keep these in a secure place like a bomb shelter or an indestructable filing cabinet.

Step 3. Use shortwave radio or phones (if they’re still working) to contact non-government backed, non-deficit causing, non-bureaucrat ridden funding sources for capital. A list of them can be found here: Merchant Cash Advance Provider Directory. Keep at least two copies of this list, lest one be stolen or lost. The extra copy should be placed inside a plastic bag and swallowed to ensure maximum protection. We do not recommend taking this as a suppository but that’s how the banks would serve it to you. They usually blow smoke up there first though.

Step 4. If your accountant is dead, do not fret. Most Merchant Cash Advances do not require financial statements or tax returns in the application process.

Step 5. Sell your future credit card sales for working capital today. No one knows the future. The Government may never reopen and an army of Terminators could slaughter mankind after SkyNet becomes self aware. Fortunately, that’s not your problem. The Merchant Cash Advance provider purchases sales that have not yet occurred. Should they cease to exist or happen at a snails pace, there is no penalty so long as you don’t purposely interfere with them. In the case of delinquency or default with the SBA, the bank will close your doors, sell off your assets, garnish your wages, and ruin your credit. For more details on how flexible the SBA is, review the last two lines of step 3.

Step 6. Squash the competition. With no SBA lending in the neighborhood, use the Merchant Cash Advance capital to advertise, purchase inventory, expand, and hire. Feel free to dance in front of your competitor’s store in the nude. Run from the police when you realize that local law enforcement is still operating since they are unaffected by a Federal shutdown.

Step 7. Pass Go and Collect $200

Step 8. Congratulations. If you have gotten this far, you have successfully survived a Federal Government Shutdown. Your business grew while the rest faltered. You wish you had considered a Merchant Cash Advance years ago but always figured a bank loan was better. Your track record will now allow you to obtain additional funds with virtually no hassle and no paperwork.

Step 9. Spread copies of the Small Business National Contingency Plan to the rest of your community.

 

 

We are anxious to see if Congress can reach a deal by Friday night. If not, you know what to do.

– The Merchant Cash Advance Resource

www.merchantcashadvanceresource.com

Last modified: February 21, 2013
Sean Murray


Category: Loans, MPR Authored

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